അങ്ങിനെയിരിക്കെ എനിക്ക് ആത്മഹത്യ…

അങ്ങിനെയിരിക്കെ എനിക്ക് ആത്മഹത്യ…

 അങ്ങിനെയിരിക്കെ എനിക്ക് ആത്മഹത്യ… അങ്ങിനെയിരിക്കെ എനിക്ക് ആത്മഹത്യ ചെയ്യണം എന്ന തോന്നൽ രൂക്ഷമായി തോന്നാൻ തുടങ്ങി… വെറുതെ ഒരു തോന്നൽ അല്ല മറിച്ച്, അസാധാരണമായ നിരാശയും, ജീവിച്ചിരുന്നിട്ട് എന്തിനാണ് എന്ന അതിശക്തമായ തോന്നലും കൊണ്ട് ഇനി ജീവിതം അവസാനിപ്പിക്കാം...
Choicelessness

Choicelessness

I’m feeling fat. Bloated. My fingers are twice their size with water retention and my face too. I look terribly ‘healthy’, to quote a compliment often received from a well-meaning Indian aunt. I could curl up and hide under the dinner table forever. That way I’ll...
Beingness

Beingness

I am, I am then the world is. When I say I am here I do not mean me as the personality but as the beingness from which the personality derives its existence. I spent more than two decades being a spiritual seeker. Ten years of which were more intense and devoted...
And So On

And So On

Questions. Questions arise in the mind. Often my reaction is to reach out, to speak to a like-minded friend. To discuss, to brainstorm, as one would say. But some questions have no conclusive answer. They do not appear to be enquiring into facts, and yet they seem to...
A Package from India

A Package from India

She stood naked against the cold bathroom wall, silently watching him struggle over and over in front of the dressing mirror. Walking to him, she stretched her arms out towards his neck. She knew he would flinch at her touch. But she couldn’t help herself. Deftly she...
Bewildered Jungle

Bewildered Jungle

It’s common in India to have servants and yes, we still refer to them as such. Socially correct labels – those are reserved for company when the room’s abuzz with guests. Staff, help, housekeeper we choose our words with care, lest anyone overhears how we dare...